Butterflies
by himmelblu
Summary: Ace has lived a troubled life, and previously self-harmed in order to cope. Although he has stopped such behaviour, they still haunt him; so he hides them. But, now they have been discovered, and he must tell their story, and deal with the thoughts and emotions attached to them. A collection of one shots (Mental Health fic., sort of)
1. Izou

_Hello everyone, this is a small new fic consisting of many One Shots_

 _This fic will be about Ace being unable to hide his scars anymore, and having to tell the Whitebeards about them and why he use to self-harm. Individual chapters will deal with telling a member of the crew, or their reactions, though some will be about everyday life for Ace, including its trials._

 _Disclaimer: The idea for this, came from RosaLeeLeader's story called 'Long Sleeves', with Young Justice and Wally, where Wally is the one with the secret and his scars are revealed, which is an amazing story I recommend._

 _Hope you enjoy_

 _Read and relax_

* * *

Ace sighed, grabbing the clothes Izou gave him to try on, thankful that Izou let him change in peace. The other said that he had too little clothes and needed more, but of a different style. Ace disagreed, but eventually caved in and said yes, just to get the other to stop asking. He liked his green, long sleeve shirt and yellow pants, and signature belt and hat. It was him. He now had a small bracelet with the Whitebeard's mark on it, since he hasn't gotten the tattoo yet, having only joined them a week ago. He had joined them in his head before that, he just didn't admit it before then. He needed a bit to think after revealing who his father was to Whitebeard. It was hard to say that. Ace slowly got out of his pants, liking to change that first, not wanting to look at his arms. He hated how they looked.

"How's it going?" Izou called out. Ace tried to figure the pants out, having a bit of issues with the belt thingy, but managed somehow. "Okay." He called out. He took his jacket and shirt off, before grabbing the a red shirt Izou had handed him, with a bunch of others, trying that first, getting it stuck on his bracelet. Damn, he didn't have time for this. The sound of curtains rustling had him panic, trying to drag it on and reach for the sweater. "Ace, how are you n..." It was ended with a gasp. Ace managed to get the shirt down and hid his arms behind himself, looking startled at Izou, feeling… scared. He didn't want them to know.

"Ace! What is that?! How did that happen? You're fire! I mean, you can scar!" Said Izou in shock as he moved to grab his arms to take a closer look. "N-no!" Managed Ace, not wanting to reveal his secret, or his feeling about them being seen.. When Izou tried to move closer, causing Ace to panic, disappearing in fire, just transforming to a fiery streak and getting away, escaping the situation, and running to his room, not changing from his fierly self until he was safe. He couldn't deal with this. He had just recently joined them, he didn't want to them to find out, to think less of him… to be ashamed of him…

He managed to take some deep breaths after finally entering his room, quickly changing the new short-sleeved shirt to another long-sleeved one, he already owned . He didn't have many, the reason he was with Izou, but he had a few. It was a comfort to have the scars covered, letting his hide his past. The relief, however, was short lived, as a knock on his door was soon heard. "Ace? Please let me in. I just… I just want to make sure you're okay." Ace didn't completely believe that, but knew if he didn't, Izou would get one of the other division commanders, and Ace _really_ didn't want that.

He took a moment to think up a story that would explain the scars, and have the commander let the issue go. When he opened the door, the other looked confused and worried, making Ace feel unsure about lying to him. "Ace, why did you run? And what was that?" Ace turned and sat down on the bed, the process giving another moment to think. "I don't like when people get too close, and invading my personal bubble, so I just left." He had not left, he had run away, but he wouldn't admit that. "Let's pretend that I believe that," Started Izou, "I _know_ I saw something on your arms, what I believe to be scars, which I'm concerned about, concerned about you!" Ace gave a shrug, or tried to give a shrug, wanting to act nonchalant. "When I set out on the sea and became a pirate, I was young. They are nothing more than the usual wounds you would expect anyone of our lifestyle to obtain."

He knew he failed when Izou looked at him in disbelief. "No! Don't even try shrug this off with that nonsense. I know you ate your devil fruit when you were young, and it would stop you from getting harmed, or at least from the worst of the damage, and cauterizing any wounds so that it wouldn't scar too badly. So, how do you have scars like the ones on your arms? _And don't you dare lie!_ " The last part was said as Ace tried to answer, going to come out with a new lie. He needed Izou to just let this go, to leave. But, he obviously wouldn't.

Ace tried to open his mouth, no idea what to say or do. He couldn't lie, but he didn't want the other to tell everyone. "I-I Y-you c-can't tell. Anyone." Izou frowned, but nodded. "Okay." Ace took a breath, not sure how to tell, already scared of how he would react, struggling to find the words to explain… any of it. "I- I didn't have it easy when I was younger. So…. I… I used…. used to c-cut myself… I've stopped! Really! But… scars…" Izou looked stunned and… worried? "Can I look? They looked bad." Why did he want to see them? Hadn't he seen enough? But, he didn't want to make the other annoyed. Ace gave a small nod, rolling up his sleeves and stretching his arms out towards Izou.

Izou gave another small gasp, gently holding Ace's hands, moving his arms to examine the many scars. Ace hated this. Ace hated how his devil fruit didn't heal self-inflicted wounds from the past. "I- wow." Started Izou. "I get why you wear long sleeved clothing. I'm glad you've stopped, and I'm sorry that you felt the need to do this as a child Always remember, you are loved and accepted here." Izou looked at him then, looking a bit stern, but concerned and worried. "I won't tell, anyone, but _you_ will. They need to know, deserve to. How can we help if we don't know? You're _family._ " Ace didn't think the others needed to know. It was enough with Izou knowing. "I don't want to." Izou gave him a comforting look. "I get that. But, they deserve to know. We just want to help you, want to know, get to know all about you. " No, Ace would never admit to that, never say yes to that, even if he knew the other was right. He didn't get why.

But, he knew the other wouldn't let this go. He had heard stories from others on how the crossdresser was, on how he never backed down. And, he didn't want Izou to tell everyone about this. Ace gave a nod as he sighed, knowing he needed to do this. "O-okay. I'll try…" Izou nodded at him approving and comforting. "It will go fine. We all care for you, and we need to know. No one will judge you for it. And, should someone be less than charitable about it, tell me and I'll deal with them." Ace gave a small nod, too overwhelmed with this right now. He didn't want this.

When the other had left, Ace didn't know what to think or do. He didn't want to do this. Didn't think he needed too. But, he knew how Izou could be. Just, who should he tell first? How should he tell?

Ace had no idea.

* * *

 _And that's the chapter, hope you enjoyed it_

 _This might be the first of many to come, which will be a mix of Ace telling different individuals and their reactions to it, as well as general, everyday life, for Ace, and its new trials now that other know, and they might change how they act around him. The next chapters are going to be better and longer_

 _And no, I have no idea what story I am doing next. At the minute, I am just writing whatever I feel like, or what comes to mind. Hoping to shake off the writer block and finally get back into a normal cycle of updating again, and continue all the stories. Hopefully, that will be soon. . I'm working on the next chapter to amnesia, it's just going a bit slow right now._

 _If you liked this, feel free to leave a review, and ideas or requests if you want too._

 _For those interested and willing to help (No need to, but only if you want), I have a now, for support as every little bit would help. Rewards and goals are up too. My name there is Azuruko. Information and link is also on my Twitter and Discord_

 _If you want to, come follow me on Twitter, where pictures and such will be posted, as well as updates, and if I'm late. My twitter is_ _Azuruko_ _You can leave comments, requests, ideas, or just say hi (Link also on my profile)_

 _Or, you can join my Discord server, Azuruko's fiction, for the same reasons as my twitter. Instant invite:_ _discord . gg / 6hzMhb_


	2. Thatch

_Hello everyone, here is the next chapter in this mass of one shots_

 _In this one, we will see how Thatch handles this_

 _Hope you enjoy_

 _Read and relax_

* * *

"Nice. New sweater?" Ace gave a small nod, still worried and hesitant about what he needed to say, but he had promised Izou. "Yeah… Izou made it for me. It's just a shirt, he made it with sleeves and it's a breathable material that is less flammable." Ace loved it and he didn't know how to thank Izou. The crossdresser said he didn't need anything, but Ace felt he should do something to repay his kindness. Ace shook his head. He should worry about that later. "That's nice. Izou is _amazing_ with clothes and art, and, well, everything really. If I could only incorporate them into one of my pranks somehow. It would be so great, but Izou would be furious, and therefore, very, very scary." Ace smiled. Thatch was the usual happy-go-lucky guy, which made this much worse… he didn't want to make the other sad, or mad, or for him to pity him. He hated that. When people found out about it, they would always walk on eggshells around him. They treat him like he's weak, preventing him from doing anything; or worse, simply ignore him, thinking that he's too much of a burden, or liability. But, most of all the sight of his arms always seemed to unsettle people. How hi-. "Oi! Ace! Okay there?"

Ace blinked, realising he got lost in thought, seeing Thatch looking at him worriedly, having stopped doing the food preparations. "Yeah… I just… I… I have something to tell you." Thatch dried his hands on his apron, before grabbing a new cloth, throwing away the older one. "That sounds ominous. If you pissed Marco off, don't expect any help from me, kiddo." Normally, Ace would have laughed and joked at that, as he usually drove the older commander crazy with his antics. But, he couldn't. What if… What if Thatch didn't want to play pranks with him after this? What if he thought him to be too weak? He loved the pranks they played. Ace was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. "Okay, kiddo, you're worrying me now. What's up?"

Ace gave a breath, no idea what to say. Maybe, just say it? Or… maybe that wasn't a good idea. He didn't want to ruin the friendship he and Thatch had. He loved it, cherished it. He felt like he belonged here and didn't want to ruin it, but needed to tell him. He had promised. Maybe, just come out with it. But, not too subtle or abrupt.

"I used to cut myself."

Yeah, real smooth Portgas, thought Ace as he did a facepalm, mentally. He did not intend for it to come out that way. Thatch looked stunned and shocked. "Wha- you what?! Why?" Ace gave a shaky breath, seeing Thatch looking at him with worry and uncertainty. "I just… Didn't have it easy growing up. I mean, none do, most don't, I just…" Ace didn't know what to say next. But, he didn't get a word out as Thatch moved and was suddenly hugging him tight, shocking him. "Don't think that. What might be a scrape to me, can be deadly to you. Or what you can brush off, will stick with me. I'm just glad you're here." Thatch slowly let go of Ace, before clapping him on his back. Ace felt a lot lighter having told him, I seems that it did help a lot. "Now, let's make some food for you. You look a little drained. Whilst we eat, we can plan how to annoy birdy tomorrow. Sound good? "

Ace nodded. "Yeah. That sounds perfect. And, thanks." Thatch gave a small chuckle and told him to not mentioned it, before they both began to prepare some food together. Thatch didn't even ask to see the scars, and even knowing that he use to self-harm, he still wants to be around him and plan and play pranks. That's more than he could ever ask for.

He didn't lose a friend. Not for now at least. It felt good to have told him. It was now done.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before they started discussing different plans on how to prank Marco. Ace loved that Thatch hasn't seemed to have changed, acting and treating him the same. It wasn't the first time they've had a private meal together. Sometimes a few others joined, but never too many. Just as Ace liked it. He loved these small and simple moments.

When they started eating the second dish, Thatch sent him a small look. "I need to ask, though. You're not doing… that anymore, right?" Ace shook his head, looking down at his plate. "No, I'm not… It's just… the lasting effects; the feelings… the scars…" He got a thoughtful nod in return. "May I see..? I don't need to. I'm just worried about you." Ace understood the underlying motivation behind that request; he wanted to check that he had really stopped hurting himself. Ace gave a small nod, but was still unsure. He didn't like showing them, but knew that he should… Thatch didn't prod or mention it for the next few minutes, letting Ace think it over and decide for himself whether he was comfortable enough to show him them. He gave a breath, before he slowly rolled his sleeves up. He could feel Thatch looking at him, having a shocked and concerned frown.

After a second, he felt a hand touch his arm. "What's this?" Ace slowly looked down, certain that Thatch would be pointed or feeling one of the longer, or deeper scars.. But, when he looked down, he blinked before a small smile appeared on his face. Thatch was tracing his thumb over a faded, half-done tattoo line. Ace brought a hand to it too, over the one underneath it, that was blue, and much more faded, being not as visible. "It's from my brothers: Luffy and Sabo. They told me to 'not kill the butterflies'." It was one of the best memories he had with his scars, and knowing just how they had cared about him. Thatch nodded. "That was a good idea. Sounds like they are amazing brothers. But, Sabo? I don't think I've ever heard you mention him before."

Ace felt himself regress, lost in his memories, once again seeing how Sabo died. That was why a few of the butterflies were dead. "...He… died…" He found himself unconsciously moving his thumb over a 'killed' butterfly, having a cut through it. The one underneath was overlapping the same scar, one Luffy had given him a bit later, along with some additions from Makino… even Garp… He felt his eyes grow blurry, and before he knew it, he was enclosed in a hug again. "That- losing a brother is never something one wants to happen, especially at such a young age. It shouldn't happen. Just getting through that is always hard. Never be afraid to let your emotions out, or in front of people. There is nothing shameful about simply feeling something, anything.." He remember getting really low after losing Sabo, and didn't want to show Luffy he was sad. It was easy to hide the emotional pain with another kind of pain, one he chose and controlled.

Ace took a shaky breath, glad Luffy got him through it. When Thatch let go, Ace used his shoulder to wipe a stray tear, before a small sniff, to rid his eyes from the worst of the blurriness. Thatch didn't comment on it, which was something he liked. Thatch sat down again, and when he did, he grabbed a piece of chicken from his plate. "So, how should we prank feather brain?" Ace gave a small laugh, using a hand to dry his eyes as he pulled his sleeve down. He just loved Thatch. He was an amazing brother. He didn't want to speak more about Sabo or his past, and the chef seemed to get that. When he moved to pull his other sleeve down, Thatch did mention that he didn't need to, that the scars didn't bother him, and that he liked the butterflies. Ace gave a sheepish smile as he continued to pull his sleeve, the rest of the way down. He wasn't ready for that yet.

He then started to plan with Thatch, on how they could manage to sneak into Marco's room and plant a nest in his bed, and joke about it.

Ace loved his family.

* * *

 _And that's the chapter, hope you enjoyed_

 _The family is going to find out one by one (Maybe two at one time maybe), and you can send a request who you want to find out. I will mostly focus on those I love the most in the commander group, so a few I have planned, but not all yet_

 _If you liked this, feel free to leave a review, and ideas or requests if you want too._

 _For those interested and willing to help (No need to, but only if you want), I have a now, for support as every little bit would help. Rewards and goals are up too. My name there is Azuruko. Information and link is also on my Twitter and Discord_

 _If you want to, come follow me on Twitter, where pictures and such will be posted, as well as updates, and if I'm late. My twitter is_ _Azuruko_ _You can leave comments, requests, ideas, or just say hi (Link also on my profile)_

 _Or, you can join my Discord server, Azuruko's fiction, for the same reasons as my twitter. Instant invite:_ _discord . gg / 6hzMhb_


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